Adulting 101: How losing 5 friends to sudden deaths from cardiac arrest led me to an existential crisis

Adulthood is an invigorating stage of life as young people join the workforce, take on more responsibilities and set their sights on the future. But its many facets — from managing finances and buying a home to achieving work-life balance — can be overwhelming.
In this series, TODAY’s journalists help young Singaporeans navigate this stage of their lives and learn something themselves in the process.
SINGAPORE — In the last two years, five people I knew died from sudden cardiac arrest. They were young and seemingly healthy people whose untimely demise came as a shock to their family and friends.
They ranged in age from about 25 to 35.
The grief hit me pretty hard, as I felt a lot of guilt and regret about my relationship with some of them. It got me to thinking — are more young people dying from sudden cardiac arrest? And should I be worried?
Cardiologists from the National University Heart Centre Singapore told me that the risk of sudden deaths in young people remains exceedingly low.
Based on the out-of-hospital cardiac arrest (OHCA) data report published by the Singapore Heart Foundation four years ago, those above the age of 65 constitute the highest risk group of patients, accounting for 36.2 per cent of the 3,000 cases of cardiac arrest in 2019. There are about 3,000 cases of OHCA yearly here.
One cardiologist told me that the prevalence of OHCA in Indians and Malays is twice the rate of Chinese. The prevalence of OHCA in men is also twice that of women. 
While uncommon, there are underlying conditions among young adults that can lead to sudden deaths, such as hypertrophic cardiomypathy (abnormal thickening of heart muscles) or arrhythmias (abnormal heart rhythm of genetic causes), another cardiologist said. 
This is why health screenings are important, as people often believe themselves to be healthy if they do not have any symptoms of underlying disease when they may have conditions that are asymptomatic.
Though sudden cardiac arrest among young people with no underlying conditions is rare, I could not shake this feeling that my life could be taken from me at any time.
This led me to move beyond concerns over cardiac arrest affecting the young to wonder more broadly at the meaning of my brief, mortal existence. I was left feeling unmotivated and uneasy. 
Don’t get me wrong, my life is going okay — I have a good job, I have a roof over my head, I have two beautiful kids and a supportive husband — but I was being consumed by this thought that if life is so short, why bother doing anything?
It occurred to me that I was perhaps having an existential crisis.
Dr Praveen Nair, a psychologist and senior consultant at Raven Counselling and Consultancy, said that this occurs when there is an inner conflict within an individual causing them to break from traditional thinking patterns and recalibrate to become more contemplative with regard to questions about meaning, purpose and identity in life. 
Dr Nair also reassured me that I am not the only one feeling this way, as he has seen more adult clients with similar issues. 
One contributor to this is social media, said Dr Nair, as some netizens cherry pick what they share online to present a rosy picture of their lives, which can cause other users viewing the content to experience “fomo” (fear of missing out).
This, in turn, can lead them to wondering about their direction in life. 
Dr Nair said it is normal to experience an existential crisis even when things in your life seem to be going okay as many things, both overt and subliminal, can influence our thoughts even when our lives are relatively routine.
In fact, some argue that the mundane and routine can be a stimulus to initiating thoughts about the larger meaning or purpose of life. 
This makes sense, as I have been feeling a certain kind of tedium for some time now, juggling work and caring for two young children daily. 
Ms Abigail Yang, a grief therapist at counselling platform Talk Your Heart Out, said that it is normal to think deeply about life or question how you feel about it.
The more fundamental issue is when no answer satisfies you, she added. 
“It becomes a constant loop of complex questions with no fulfilling solution. This, in turn, leads to a conflict within yourself about your reason for existence,” said Ms Yang.
In some cases, extreme thoughts and unanswerable questions can leave one feeling frustrated, anxious, depressed and even suicidal, said experts. 
They also shared that one way to overcome an existential crisis is to disengage from pursuits or people that bring me no joy and redirect my energy to those that do. Dr Nair said this can help initiate renewed drive and motivation in life. 
“It may sound counterintuitive but many great innovations occurred when inventors experienced an existential crisis. They channelled their energies into a new venture that was motivating,” he told me. 
One way to overcome the crisis is to also take time to connect more with people whose company I enjoy, as an existential crisis can occur when we feel disconnected from others, said Dr Nair. 
Ms Yang reminded me that it is okay to allow myself to feel such negative emotions, and that I should not suppress them. 
Some people block out pain and suffering, thinking this will make them happy, but it can often lead to a false sense of happiness, she said.
Embodying emotions and acknowledging feelings of pain, discontentment and dissatisfaction can open the door to personal growth, and improve one’s outlook on life, Ms Yang added.
One tip I got from a friend that has helped me deal with my existential crisis is this: “KonMari” your schedule, rid yourself of self-imposed duties and obligations and identify areas where you could be doing less, doing something easier, or doing nothing at all.
This is a reference to Japanese author Marie Kondo and her ideas about ridding our lives of needless clutter.
This might mean, for instance, your one-hour exercise routine becomes a 20-minute one, or perhaps you ditch it all together for an extra hour of sleep. 
The only person that should be happy with the choice you make is you. 
ABOUT THE WRITER:
Nabilah Awang, 29, is a former Senior Journalist at TODAY.